i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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