I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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