Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
