I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
