Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
