my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
