you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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