I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
