Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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