Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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