mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly