cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked