yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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