piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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