your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
