She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
