She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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