Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
