3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
