My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
