What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
