i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
