Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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