He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
