I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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