The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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