yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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