My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
