My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
