god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
