He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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