I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i will never coherently bang her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You made out with two different species that night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
