She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
