Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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