you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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