just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
