i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
