Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
