now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
