i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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