O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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