Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
