Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
