It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
