'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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