You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
