You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
