Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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