U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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