i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
