and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
