508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
