Moan for me like Helen Keller
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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