Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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