If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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