Sober January is a disaster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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