i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
