Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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