then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
