Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
