ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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