She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
