i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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