Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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