it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
