Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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