Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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