just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
