i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
