I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
