I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
