oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
