sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
