Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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