First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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