question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
